Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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