I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
