he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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