My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
