dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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