You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize