masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize