I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
