hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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