I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
