Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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