and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
