Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
