I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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