he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Did I show you my penis last night?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You dont lie about slip and slides
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
