shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
