News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
