While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we're making bets on your personal life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
