i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
