i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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