dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize