how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
