dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize