Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
