I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
