I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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