I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
