did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
