So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
