Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
