i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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