Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
