For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
