hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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