So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
