after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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