I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
