i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize