I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
