He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
