in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize