I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Green mimosas i think yes
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
