instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They took my balls.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
