vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
