Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
