my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
