I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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