i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize