i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
