Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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