Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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