I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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