I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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