I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
