It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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