WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
