Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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