Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
