dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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