if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
