How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
