My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
