He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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