mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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