I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
