I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize