Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
